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A(n Archived) Piece of My Mind March 2004 - "It's not easy being gay" It’s not easy being gay (March 2004) How could I resist stealing a line from Kermit the Frog in my first column? And a musical number to boot! I admit that I wanted to write about gay marriages, but the Branding Iron and the national media have addressed those issues already, to the point many of us are tired of hearing or giving the same speeches over and over. So I thought it was time to go back to basics. What is it like to simply be queer today? I think most people, queer and straight alike, recognize that it’s easier to be straight in today’s America. They don’t have to fight for the inalienable rights we’re all supposedly granted. Their relationships can be legally recognized, and they don’t face stares, jeers, or more overt hatred when talking openly about their love. Let’s face it: being GLBTQ is hard work, whether or not you’ve come out of the closet. It’s why so many queer parents readily answer the question, “Do you want your kids to be straight?” with a resounding “Yes!” It’s obviously not because we think it’s bad to be queer, but we want our kids’ lives to be as simple and pain-free as possible, just like every other parent in the country. This isn’t something that’s limited to Laramie or Wyoming, by any stretch of the imagination. San Francisco is (still) issuing same-sex marriage licenses, but it’s not without controversy. Matt was not the first, or sadly the last, GLBT person to be attacked or murdered. Whether you’re talking about Idaho, Arkansas, or the Castro there is still a lot of anger, hatred, and violence directed toward anyone who doesn’t fit the so-called (heterosexual) “norm.” I do believe a rural area like Wyoming poses some special challenges, though. We lack a lot of the resources larger urban areas take for granted. In order to go dancing at a queer bar, we have to cross state lines. We don’t have large community centers or predominantly GLBT neighborhoods. We can’t sustain support groups or clubs for every type of queer person out there; we just don’t have a population large enough to do so. The good news is that it’s not all doom and gloom, however. Things are getting better, in the nation and here in our home state. The fact that a national discussion about marriage is even occurring is progress. Every day more companies, small businesses, and educational institutions are adding sexual orientation to non-discrimination clauses. Four universities now provide housing for transgendered students. At least some of us can add our partners to our health insurance, thanks to domestic partner benefit policies. TV news magazines are running stories about intersexuality or GLBT parenting, covering them not as oddities but rather as heartfelt stories of courage and perseverance. Even on a local level we’re seeing improvements. The Rainbow Resource Center has been on campus for a few years now, and is still going strong. UGLW/Wyoming Equality is starting to schedule regular dances and social events around the state. The third annual Wyoming AIDS Walk looks to have its most successful year yet, drawing strong support from the Greeks on campus, communities of faith, and WyoTech as well. A bill introduced in the Wyoming House of Representatives and Senate to ban same-sex marriages died in both houses, keeping Wyoming from becoming the 39th state to pass such legislation. I will never claim that it’s easy to be gay, especially here in Wyoming. But it’s important for us to consider the good news, because things are better than when the “Gay Rights Movement was born” in 1969 at a little place called the Stonewall Inn. Yes Kermit, it’s not easy being gay - or green, but it’s better than it was. And as long as we continue to speak up, come out (when it’s safe), vote, and stand up for ourselves (and for those who can’t)…it will be even better tomorrow.
On Activity and AIDS Apathy (April 2004) Is it time for a second column already? It hardly seems that a month has gone by. Since this month is Wyoming AIDS Walk, I want to talk about some of the issues surrounding HIV/AIDS in Wyoming, the US, and globe. Spectrum has not always had a strong involvement with HIV/AIDS issues. For many years, the group shied away from anything to do with the subject, worried that it would further perpetuate the myth that AIDS is a “gay disease.” It wasn’t the decision of any particular leader of the group, and existed already when I joined the group 9 years ago. I’m sorry to say that I agreed with that attitude and reasoning, and did nothing to change the unwritten policy. I told myself that it was okay because it wasn’t that we didn’t care about the issues. It wasn’t that we discriminated against people because of their HIV status; quite the opposite as our group bylaws specifically prohibited such bias. I realize now that we were still doing a great disservice to all HIV positive people, regardless of their sexual orientation. We didn’t show movies like “Philadelphia”, “It’s My Party”, or “And the Band Played On.” We didn’t have speakers or panels about HIV/AIDS during Gay Awareness Week. We didn’t participate in World AIDS Day. By doing this, we ignored an important part of many people’s lives, and I regret that. I am, however, quite proud of the changes we’ve made since then. This month we’re again a driving force behind the 3rd Annual Wyoming AIDS Walk. We’re offering free, anonymous HIV testing, a week’s worth of panels and workshops surrounding HIV issues, bringing in sections of the AIDS Memorial Quilt, and raising money for people living with the disease in the State of Wyoming. We’re not doing this alone; in fact, we have a huge list of supporters, both financial and otherwise. We’re hoping to raise more money this year than ever before, and are working closely with fraternities, sororities, WyoTech, and religious groups to include more people. Perhaps most importantly, though, is that we’re addressing the issues. We’re talking about them. I often comment on how Laramie is doing a better job of at least discussing GLBT issues and individuals. I’m glad that we’re now doing the same with HIV/AIDS. I also wanted to point out some of those issues, as many people don’t know the current trends and issues surrounding the disease. Infection rates among youth and AIDS apathy – Infection rates for people under 25 are still alarmingly high. The CDC estimates that over half of the new infections diagnosed are people from this age group. There are some simple explanations for this. Something most of us know is that “Abstinence only” education is killing people. People age 13-25 are more likely to engage in risk behaviors such as IV drug use and sex. Pretending that by not saying “condom” or “safer sex” our youth will not have any sex is naïve. Naïve and dangerous. It’s also because people are tired of talking and hearing about the disease. Our youth think they know it all. So do many of our adults. I call it “AIDS Apathy;” I’m tired of hearing about it. Our youth have strange definitions of what constitutes sex, and that’s killing them too. By not addressing sex, safer sex, or condoms in our schools, we’re putting our future generations at risk. We also need to redouble our efforts to educate youth about the reality of HIV/AIDS. HIV/AIDS in minority communities – Infection rates in ethnic/racial minority communities are incredibly disturbing. In the US, African Americans comprise 12.3% of the population, yet account for 39% of the diagnosed AIDS cases. The Hispanic population is also over-represented, comprising 13% of the US population and 19% of new AIDS cases in 2000. Across the board, minority populations have higher rates of infection. This trend is not being discussed enough, if at all. AIDS is not a gay disease; it’s a human disease. And everyone, Hispanic, African American, and Caucasian alike, needs to respond to this very real health crisis. “Bug chasing” and “gift giving” – I have to say, this one confuses me. Two weeks ago I watched a documentary called “The Gift.” I knew that people existed who intentionally sought out HIV infections (called bug chasers), but I didn’t know much about the trend or the so-called logic behind it. Gay men, especially young gay men, are seeking out positive partners (called a gift giver if they’re intentionally and consensually infecting partners) in the hopes of contracting HIV. Some do it because they believe they are going to get it eventually, and report feeling a sense of relief when they finally test positive because they no longer have to worry about when they’re going to. Not if, but when. This frightens me, as it means the idea that AIDS is a given for gay and bisexual men still exists. Some young bug chasers seek infection because they believe they cannot be part of the GLBT community without a positive test result. They want to receive the perceived benefits of AIDS programs and the social support that might come with infection. After all, many places offer no social or support groups for GLBT people but do so for HIV positive individuals. Homophobia and heterosexism are killing people in yet another way. While I can follow the convoluted logic trail of bug chasers, it confounds me. I don’t understand how someone can grow up thinking in these ways, but then I also grew up during a period of prolific HIV/AIDS education. Even if it did focus on abstinence only, we still talked about it. These are just some of the issues facing America today in regards to the world-wide AIDS epidemic. I don’t have enough space to cover them all, or to look at the crisis outside US borders. I don’t have enough space to shame the government for continually reducing the funding for AIDS research or support for people living with AIDS. I can’t talk about the new tests for the disease which were approved just before writing this column. What I can do is encourage you to learn more. Write me. Write to AIDS Walk or Spectrum. Look at the WRAPP website or the CDC site. Educate yourself. Then educate your family and friends. Participate in Wyo AIDS Walk. Not just because it makes you feel good, but because it raises money for our friends and family here in Wyoming who are living with the disease. Who are trying to make ends meet, but finding the endless chain of paperwork and red tape almost impossible to navigate. Get educated. Get angry. GET BUSY. “Come out, come out, wherever you are.” It’s not just a saying in a children’s game anymore. Today it’s used to encourage GLBTQ people to come out of the closet and live their lives openly. Living an out life can have substantial benefits, both for an individual and for our society as a whole. But it’s also important that we not force the issue on someone before they’re ready for it. Coming out is one of the best decisions I ever made, though it was certainly not easy at the time. I was scared – terrified to be exact. I worried about rejection from friends and family. I worried about my career as a high school teacher. I worried about everything, really. I don’t think that’s an atypical response, either. My friends stood by me. My sister surprised me with her positive response. After coming out to my mother, things weren’t perfect, but they were certainly better than I had feared. During my student teaching, my mentor teacher wanted to learn everything she could in the hopes she could make her classroom and school more friendly and welcoming for young GLBTQ students. All in all, it was a very positive experience for me. Today I am so much happier than I was in closet. I continue to live my life openly. There have been people who no longer speak to me. There are relatives who stopped sending cards at holidays and birthdays. But the freedom to be myself and be honest about who I am and who I love is worth so much more to me than those cards ever were. I have a confidence and self-esteem I couldn’t have dreamed about in the closet. It’s almost hard for me to remember the fear and self-loathing I once knew, but I cling to that memory tightly – not as a form of shame or self-punishment for past mistakes, but as a reminder to myself. It is vitally important that we remember everyone has a different experience coming out. It’s not always a positive experience. People have been disowned or kicked out of their homes. They have been beaten, sometimes by their own parents. They’ve lost funding for their college education, making a degree that much more challenging to obtain. Some have lost their friends or the support of their family, and feeling alone is not an easy thing, queer or straight. Coming out has consequences, and those will be different for each person. We need to remember that, especially those of us who have been out for a while or who are VERY out. In SafeZone sessions I tell people that coming out is a very personal decision, that only an individual should make. They will know when the time is right – when they can no longer hide who they are and when they feel safe and strong enough to do so. It’s not fair for any of us to push someone into that decision before it’s time. It’s also not fair to tell a person whether or not they should come out. Discuss possible repercussions with them. Tell them that no matter what they decide, or what the outcome might be, that you’ll still be there to support them. GLBTQ people are most at risk for depression and suicide when they come out to someone, receive a negative reaction, and feel they have nobody else supporting them. Make SURE they know there is a support system available, even if you can’t be that support. The RRC, Spectrum, Wyoming Equality, and the University Counseling Center are all available as alternatives. Coming out is rarely easy for a person. There is a lot of stress involved, even if your friends and family react well. That sense of dread about “What if” looms over your head when telling someone. I’ve found that while it has gotten easier to come out, there are still times I worry about it. Not because I’m going to be devastated if someone reacts poorly, but because I don’t like tension between myself and others. I’d much rather get along with everyone, as it makes all our lives easier and richer. Living our queer lives openly lets people see that they know and care about GLBTQ people, and that we’re not the monsters the extreme right usually makes us out to be. We are decent, caring, responsible citizens and it’s important that George W. Bush, Focus on the Family, and the Pope can see that. I know the benefits a person can experience when they come out. I would love to see everyone in the closet to come out – but only when they are ready and feel safe to do so. It’s not my place to decide when the time is right. I knew when I had to come out, and reached the decision on my own. No matter how much I’d like to see all queer people free to be themselves, I have to let others find their voice in their own time and manner. One of my former physicians had a quote hanging in her office. I copied it down and framed it, and it now hangs over my bed. “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anias Nin” That day will likely come for all closeted people. I hope we can all remember to let them find that day on their own. If you need support about coming out or any other issue, please email spectrum-board@uwyo.edu. On Families and Pride Month (June 2004) It’s June; the regular school year has ended and many familiar faces have gone home for the summer. This left me thinking about what that might mean for GLBT students. After all, several people face their sexual orientation or gender identity after coming to college. There are certainly more people coming out in high school or sooner, but I think we all know of many first year students who finally face their identity when they’re not under Mom and/or Dad’s roof. I’ve already spoken with some who plan to “break the news” over summer vacation. Coming out to family is a brave step, to be certain, and was the topic of last month’s column. But this also left me thinking about how we define family. I’ve always been very close to most of my family. My mother and I were very close; yet another stereotype into which I fit. Coming out to her created some tension and discomfort, but she made it clear that she was still there for me. My sister has been incredibly supportive of me, even when her first fiancé was a raging homophobe. Some of my extended family hasn’t spoken to me or sent Christmas cards since I came out, but that’s to be expected. All things considered, I count myself very lucky. But I also have another family, one that I created. My best friend and his wife, folks from Spectrum, the (former) Chief of Police Dave O’Malley…they’re all a part of my family. I realize I’ve always created another family around myself, and think many GLBT people do. Granted, I think many non-GLBT people do the same thing, but it can hold a different meaning for queer folk. We choose members of this family very carefully, making sure they’re supportive of us and our rights. These are friends that will stand by us no matter who we are or what might happen. They’re people who’ll be there, even if our biological families reject us after we come out. June is also Pride Month in cities around the country. It’s a time to celebrate who we are. For me, it’s also a time to give thanks for people in both my families who support me and care for me. Since coming out, I’ve only missed one Pride Festival, and that was to be the Man (translation: Maid) of Honor for a dear friend in Chicago. To me, Pride is a chance to walk the streets of Denver (or other cities) and have tens of thousands of people cheering for me. They cheer not despite my sexual orientation, but because of it. They cheer for the courage and resilience it takes to live our lives openly. Is there anything more worthy of celebration? And so this June I celebrate my two families. In a time when the very definition of “what makes a family” is on the line, many of us are blessed to have families, biological or created, that love us. I hope we can all take an opportunity this June to honor those people and those families. Go to the nearest Pride Festival. Revel in your difference and your sameness. Let thousands of people cheer for you and who you are. But also take the time to cheer for those who are standing behind and beside you…they’re doing it for you. Don’t take it for granted. And for those who feel like there is nobody out there
cheering for them, no members of a created family to support you…that’s what
Spectrum is for. I’m cheering for you. So is the Executive Board. Drop us a
line if you need to hear a cheer… The Many Birthdays of Freedom (July 2004) So here in Laramie we’re celebrating the Fourth of July with the annual “Freedom Has a Birthday” party in the park. Vendors, politicians, and non-profits alike set up tables to promote their messages and sell their wares. A good idea in theory, albeit often too materialistic and hollow in practice. (After all, there’s very little feel of a celebration of freedom our the birth of our country…just a celebration.) But as I think about how our country won its freedom, I realize that it wasn’t a singular event. It wasn’t even the sum of events we call The Revolutionary War. It was also our involvement in WWI and WWII. Thankfully, it’s not just won through war and conflict. It’s the invention of the electric light, the steam engine, and the assembly line. It’s Harriett Tubman and Rosa Parks and Sitting Bull. It is taking a stand, taking pride in oneself, and speaking out. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that freedom has many different birthdays. Our freedom is born every time our citizens win a Nobel prize or an Olympic medal. Every time we find a cure for sickness or develop a new vaccine, freedom is born. We help create it each time we think for ourselves or exercise one of our Constitutionally guaranteed rights, such as free speech or the freedom of religion. Each of these everyday acts helps create freedom in a continuing process. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender individuals are working hard every day to continue our country’s tradition and create freedom all around them. Cheryl Jacques, the new Executive Director of the Human Rights Campaign, does this work in the heart of our federal government each time she issues a statement about a policy or law that has been proposed. Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal church, creates freedom when he approves a liturgy for same-sex blessing ceremonies. In the past few months, thousands of GLBT couples took a stand for freedom by saying “I do.” We do it here in Laramie, too. Each time we provide a panel to a teacher’s class on campus, we’re working to ensure freedom. Every time one of us comes out to a friend, coworker, or loved one, we’re taking a stand against oppression and marginalization. And it’s that what freedom is really all about? The ability to be ourselves, hold our own values and express our own viewpoints without recrimination? To me, this is the very core of the freedom we as Americans are supposed to hold so dear and struggle for on a daily basis. Freedom isn’t something that’s won only once. We have to fight to maintain it every minute of every day. True, we must occasionally protect it from “threats to national security,” but more often than not, we must protect it from the majority. We all know that discrimination still exists in many forms within our country. Racism, sexism, ecumenicalism, classism, ageism, and heterosexism are alive and well in the US. But we must continue to struggle against these very real evils, these weapons of mass discrimination. They are oft-forgotten enemies and forms of terrorism. And so this 4th of July, remember those people who fight every day…in our military, our law enforcement agencies, and on the front lines of the so-called “culture war.” We cannot expect to obtain freedom easily or instantly; the War for American Independence didn’t happen overnight. We can only continue the battle for freedom with passion, conviction, and vigor…and intense pride. Know that by being yourself, you’re helping to change the face of American Freedom. If that doesn’t make you proud this Fourth, I don’t know what will. We're not done yet (August 2004) The Federal Marriage Amendment has stalled out in the Senate. They couldn’t even scrape together the cloture votes needed to break the filibuster, much less the 2/3 majority necessary to pass a Constitutional Amendment. In one house of the Legislature. Then ratification by states? A long shot, to be sure, but I still think caution is in order. I’m ecstatic over the apparent “death” of the amendment, but make no mistake about it: the fight is not over. It’s still moving in the House of Representatives. I know...it can’t go anywhere without the Senate too. But I want to see it fail in the House too, if for no other reason than to send a message. I also think failure in both houses would help prevent it from being resurrected in the next session. To be fair, a part of me wants to see it fail twice, just to be spiteful and raise a symbolic middle finger to the Religious Right saying “Discrimination not welcome here, or in our Constitution.” But the struggle for Marriage Equality does not end with the FMA. As of May 2004, 39 states have laws or state constitutions that expressly prohibit same-sex marriage. Several amendments to state constitutions are in the works, taking the existing laws even further. Some of these amendments go so far as to ban any kind of civil union. “Not only can you not get married, we’re going to [try to] forever ban any kind of legal recognition of your relationship, ensuring you are without the rights, privileges, and responsibilities that go along with it.” The truth is that 13 states will debate major anti-GLBT legislation between now and November. Most of them deal with marriage and/or civil unions (www.thetaskforce.org). The truth is that many people still don’t know GLBT individuals can be fired in 36 states, just because of who they are or who they love (www.hrc.org). The truth is that many people don’t know 96% of students reports hearing anti-gay comments every single day in America’s high schools (www.glsen.org). The simple truth is that we have a lot more work to do, not only for ourselves, but for those queer youth who come after us. Each of us can make a difference. Writing or calling your Congressional representatives is one way. Asking your friends and family to do the same is also important, especially if they live in “battleground” states or have legislators who aren’t as…decided…as the Wyomingites in Washington. Perhaps most importantly, talk to people about your views and why these are important issues. Remember, we're not just talking about marriage here. I was at a BBQ this weekend, and got into an hour-long conversation with a friend of mine. He owns a construction company in town, and while I wouldn’t call him bigoted, conservative is certainly a fair term. He explained that he doesn’t support gay “marriage” because to him, the term is fundamentally heterosexual. He clearly stated he believes GLBT people should have the same rights and privileges; he just wanted a word other than marriage. I explained my views to him, talking about “separate but equal,” civil vs. religious marriage, and federal vs. state sanction of relationships. We didn’t come to an agreement, but that’s not the important thing. He now knows, from a firsthand perspective, why I support GLBT marriage. I better understand his logic, and can provide a better response the next time I encounter someone with his views. Perhaps most importantly, we proved that people with differing views on the topic can have a civil, polite conversation without getting nasty (or quoting the Bible) and still understand one another better afterwards. And isn’t the free flow of information and ideas a cornerstone of our society? Real change can’t happen without it. So maybe conversation at backyard BBQ’s really can change the country, one attitude at a time. It’s slow, but it’s progress; as long as we have that, we’re winning. Keep fighting. Stand up and be counted (September 2004) Students are back on campus, classes are in session, and there’s already a wintry chill in the morning air. Yes, Fall is back in full force, though here in Wyoming that usually means Winter starts in about a week. This year, it also means Election season. We’re in for about 2 months of a rough ride, no doubt. The Republican National Convention concluded last week, and it was apparent that GLBT issues (and other diversity-related issues) are still destined to a dusty and forgotten closet if the GOP has its way. The keynote address was given by Zell Miller of Georgia. While he’s still listed as a Democrat, the conventional wisdom says that it’s a throwback to the segregationist days. He ranted and raved at length about the liberal conspiracy to overthrow “our commander in chief.” Some responded tongue-in-cheek, like the Daily Show’s Jon Stewart, who quipped “How dare the Democratic Party field a candidate…and in an election year!” Others commented on his apparent rage, to which he responded “I’m sorry if I gave that impression. I’m not angry at all.” When asked about his statement that Kerry would let Paris determine our military strategy and would arm our troops with spit balls, he responded that he wished we still lived in an age where such challenges were resolved through duals. In his speech accepting the GOP’s nomination, Bush again offered his staunch support for the Marriage Amendment and the need to protect America from its GLBT citizens’ quest for equality. Of course, he used terms like “protecting family values” and “traditional marriage.” This comes just a few days after Dick Cheney went on record against the Amendment, though clearly not for same-sex marriages either. In general, the RNC seemed full of venom, vitriol, and the requisite hellfire and brimstone. All of the posturing and grandstanding made one thing abundantly clear: WE MUST VOTE. I certainly know who I will be supporting in November, but that’s my decision to make. Four years ago, there was great debate and controversy about votes and how they were cast. This year, the Electoral process will receive great scrutiny. Our country’s government was founded on the idea of representation. One person has one vote in our nation today. It’s critical that we exercise our right to speak out, to be counted. To cast our vote, not only for the Presidential race, but for ballot initiatives and local government officials too. I urge everyone to learn more about the issues and individuals on your ballot this year. Find out about the candidates for City Council and where they stand on the issues. Learn about new city ordinances or proposed amendments to state constitutions. Don’t just vote down party lines. Take the time to become an informed voter, then carry through on election day. It doesn’t matter who you choose to support in the upcoming election, but it does matter than you exercise your right as a free citizen in the US. Take to the polls in November, but start forming your opinions now based on the issues! Enough Election, It's Time for Remembrance and Learning (November 2004) The votes have been counted and believe it or not, George W. was actually elected this time. But I’m not going to use my column to talk about the elections this year, no matter how frustrated I am. November 20th is the 6th Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance. On this day, we pause to remember those who have been killed because of anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. Every year countless people are attacked around the globe because of their gender identity or expression. They don’t fit neatly into the boxes society has constructed for “male” or “female.” Some have started hormone therapy. Some have undergone surgical procedures to make their outer body match the way they feel on the inside. Some will not change their bodies, but instead change the way they view themselves and live. Transgender, transsexual, and intersex people are often misunderstood and are some of the most marginalized people associated with GLBT communities. In addition to attacks hundreds of trans individuals are murdered each year. The attacks and murders often go unsolved. Sometimes this is because little evidence is available. Sadly, it’s sometimes because there is little interest in solving the case. After all, it’s just another “freak,” right? I have been working toward GLBT rights for 9 years now. Some of my most memorable and education moments have been talking to transgender people. They have opened themselves so courageously, talking about the most personal issues with candor and humor. They have shared their pain and their stories in an effort to help people like me understand. Each time I am amazed how much I learn about how men and women communicate, how complicated sex and gender really are, and how much more I have to learn. I know what it’s like to be different. To be left out. To face discrimination. But I still have privilege. I’ve never had to think twice about walking into a restroom. I’ve never had to try to change my sex classification on my driver’s license, social security card, insurance, and countless other documents, just so everything “matches.” And as a member of the G in GLBT, I’ve never had a majority of the queer community turn their backs on me because I’m too different. As the Spectrum webmaster, I will soon be blacking out the front page of website in remembrance of those transgender individuals who have lost their lives for simply trying to be themselves. I ask each of you to go one step further. Don’t just think about the dead. Learn about the living! Pick up a book from Rainbow Resource Center and read about gender variance. Check out the Gender Identity Center in Colorado. Send a donation to GenderPAC or research the Internation Foundation for Gender Education. Attend the events sponsored by Spectrum and the Women’s Action Network. Go a step beyond remembrance, and learn about someone different. You might be amazed what you learn about others…and yourself. Less than 20/20 Hindsight (December 2004) Early this summer, I received word that 20/20 was conducting interviews about Matt’s death. It was even rumored that they had spoken to Henderson and McKinney themselves, despite the fact that there were supposed to be gag orders preventing such interviews. As time wore on, words like “robbery” and “drugs” were being thrown around, and “hate” seemed a word in the hazy past. I hoped it was just the rumor mill at work. Then Dave O’Malley did his interview. I was glad they spoke to Dave, because I thought “surely this will take care of any drug or robbery angle.” The universe was looking out for us, though, as someone with the film crew left behind production notes describing the angle of the story. We knew then that the piece had the potential to be a bit, shall we say, skewed. We tried to reach those who hadn’t been interviewed yet, to put them on alert. We felt it was still important to go ahead with the interviews, though, if only so that there was some form of rebuttal besides “no comment” or “could not be reached.” Judy was hopeful that when they looked at all their footage, they would put together a balanced piece. We all clung to that hope, but I don’t think any of us were overly optimistic. And just a few weeks ago Romaine called me, asking if I had seen the press release and what I knew. She sent a copy of the press release she’d obtained through back channels, and our suspicions and fears were confirmed. As the broadcast drew near, we heard snippet, and finally a copy was obtained for viewing…again, though back channels. It’s certainly not a secret that I was disappointed, to say the least. I grew up watching 20/20 with my mom. Every week we’d tune in to see what Hugh Downs and Barbara Walters had to tell us. Elizabeth Vargas and crew are a far cry from those golden days. The resulting piece was over-edited, lop-sided, and poorly supported. But there has been a fair amount of reporting of the specific flaws. Check out www.glaad.org or the December 2nd Branding Iron for more of those details. I want to finish this month’s opinion with a look at the bigger picture. So what does this piece mean to us now? I certainly hope that discussions about hate crimes and bias violence continue. Matt’s death served as a wake-up call to many people in our country. Maybe this news segment will as well. Perhaps this is our opportunity to speak out about poor reporting and unbalanced media. Perhaps Matt’s story can again teach our country something important: to watch the news with a critical eye. We should not consider everything a news anchor says to be the whole truth, and must exercise critical thinking. We should weigh information before accepting it, and call attention to any problems that catch our attention. There is not and never will be a doubt in my mind that Matt died because of hatred, and I know I am not alone. I’m not just basing that on what I want to be true; I’m using the facts in evidence and information available to me, the investigators, and everyone connected to the case. And I’m not being silent about it. Speak out if you hear someone who’s been fooled by the segment. Call ABC and 20/20 to voice any concerns about the piece you might have. Contact GLAAD to find other options to make a difference. And do so EVERY time someone uses faulty logic or buys into a stereotype or myth, be they media, family member, co-worker, friend, or foe. Challenge deception and distribute accuracy! Reflection and Vision (January 2005) A new semester is about to begin, and after one of the shortest breaks UW has seen in many years. Does anyone else feel a bit rushed back into the swing of things? There are still bits of wrapping paper strewn about my house and the leftovers from the New Year’s party seem never-ending. I gave up New Year’s resolutions years ago, but I still enjoy the sense of newness and hope this time of year brings. It’s a season of new beginnings, after all. So where will we be heading? I’m glad you asked. Soon Spectrum will be holding elections for this year’s group of officers. They will take the reins and guide the group down exciting new paths. We’ll plan new events and gain new footholds of equality. In fact, PACWMA has been working with the President’s Office and HR to come up with a list of the domestic partner benefits that UW can offer to same-sex couples, even if insurance isn’t possible right now. Thanks to funding from PACMWA and the planning and hard work of the RRC, we’ll be having speakers on campus this month to talk about other ways to secure insurance and other DBP’s here on campus, even if the state and legislature aren’t likely to create them. The fourth annual AIDS Walk is scheduled for April 23rd, and it promises to be a great event once again. We’ve raised a fair amount of money already, thanks to support for World AIDS Day events. Some powerful and moving speakers are lined up, and once again the Ramada Inn will play host to Drag Queen Bingo. The political landscape changed a great deal in the last year. GLBT couples were legally married for the first time. Though many of those marriages were later overturned, the struggle isn’t over. Several court cases are working through the system across the country, and there is a good chance that other states will soon allow us to wed legally. Support continues to grow, even if Election Day held several disappointments for most GLBT individuals. You see, the conversations continue and the fight for equality is far from dead. Spectrum and SafeZone have already received several requests for presentations or panels. We’re already brainstorming events we can co-sponsor for the Fall semester, and we’re gearing up to submit another aggressive budget request to the student government. Some good friends of mine, and strong allies of the GLBT community, got married over the break. Being poor college students, they were operating on a shoestring budget. The reception was held in what I refer to as a 1950’s institutional Catholic school gym. A crack team of experts (translation: unwitting friends roped into volunteering) transformed the space into a beautiful hall over the course of 3 days. It took a small army of help and resulted in many aches and pains. Things didn’t always go as planned and the design had to be constantly changed Stress abounded, as it usually does around weddings, and blood, sweat, and tears were no strangers to us either. But the end result was so worth the effort and, well, suffering. It was truly special, and something none of us will ever forget. And so as the new semester hurtles toward us at dizzying speeds, bringing with it a fresh round of tests, papers, projects, and all-nighters, remember that there is a reason for all the work. As we prepare for another 4 years of George W. Bush’s anti-GLBT policies and actions, remember that you’re not alone. There is a whole team right beside you, stringing lights, hanging banners, and tying off balloons. Sooner or later, the work will be done and we’ll have a huge celebration waiting for us. Let’s do what we can to improve our community and our country. Because a colorful reception hall is possible, and is so much better than a 1950’s institutional Catholic school gym. Hang onto hope in the new year. Love is in the Air, But... (February 2005) February is here, and with it comes Valentine’s Day. While commercialism and marketing run rampant around this holiday (not to mention cavities), it’s also nice to remember what February 14th is supposed to be about: LOVE. Despite what the conservative Christian right and GOP would like to believe, love is not something heterosexuals have cornered the market on. Love is no more less a part of our relationships than it is for our straight friends. There is often a double standard, though, which says GLBT folks are obsessed with sex and that’s all being queer is really about. It’s ludicrous, of course, but that thought is out there nevertheless. Perhaps this is a good time to demonstrate just how false that is. This month, you could take your partner out on a public date. Or tell a friend or relative about how much you love your partner. Write your congressional representatives a letter doing the same! The bottom line is doing something that shows our relationships are about LOVE, not sex. Now I’m not advocating for all queer couples to lock lips in public or challenge “public decency” laws. For some of us, it’s not safe to do so. I’m not necessarily encouraging people to come screaming out of the closet, either. If you haven’t done it yet and you feel safe, this might be a great time. If not, that’s okay too! Perhaps you can show your support by donating to the Freedom to Marry campaign or similar groups. I also don’t want to forget the single queers out there, especially since I am one myself. Just because we’re not in relationships doesn’t mean we can’t support those who are. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to take a stand or help someone understand queer love. Because hopefully by next Valentine’s Day we’ll be in a relationship if we so choose. Speaking out today could make it that much easier for us later on down the road. Most importantly this month, I encourage everyone to take a broader view of love and what Valentine’s is really about. Don’t just celebrate your partner or your relationship. Take a moment to recognize and acknowledge your friends and family too. There’s a reason moms are allowed to send cards, flowers, or candy to their kids. We don’t recognize our loved ones nearly often enough, and this month can be a great opportunity to do it! My friends will tell you I usually celebrate “Villain-tine’s Day” and wear all black. But even this is usually done with other single friends and gives us a chance to be together. So find someone you care about and remind them of the fact. Teach someone about what love means to you. Make a statement, make a difference, or make a date! And for those who dive into the candy this time of year, don’t forget to brush and floss! March is an important month on college campuses. It marks the middle of the Spring semester in most places. In places other than Wyoming, it’s the beginning of true Spring. But what most college students focus on is simply Spring Break. A chance to kick back and relax. No classes to attend. For some, it’s a time to travel…and party like a rock star. But there is a small majority who use the time to do some good. Some volunteer with Habitat for Humanity, while others travel to impoverished areas to build infrastructure or tutor villagers. That’s what I want to talk about this month: getting involved. For a lot of GLBTQ folks, getting involved can be a scary concept, as is might mean coming out of the closet. Certainly, sitting at a table for Gay Awareness Month and handing out brochures, pamphlets, or “Straight But Not Narrow” stickers can earn one a few sideways glances. While we know realistically that staffing a table for Spectrum doesn’t necessarily mean anything about a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity, the stigma is still there. And that can be a very scary thing. I still remember how nervous I was attending queer events and sitting at “the gay table” in the Union. I was worried about what everyone would think as they walked past. I stressed over whether or not a professor who saw me there might give me a lower grade. I fretted about whether classmates would be willing to work with me on projects in the future, or share their notes if I missed class. In short, I managed to worry about everything. And yet, none of the horrible things I dreamt up ever happened...which is not to say that it couldn’t have, or that the fear was any less real. I have reached a point in my life where I refuse to let fears like that stop me. I speak on every panel I can, work with the SafeZone Program, the Rainbow Resource Center Advisory Board, and the President’s Advisory Council on Minority and Women’s Affairs. But that type of involvement isn’t necessarily for everyone. There are ways a person can be involved without being on the front lines. Writing legislators, stuffing envelopes, or donating to organizations (like the Lambda Legal Defense Fund or the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) are all valid options. And nothing says that you have to be involved in GLBTQ-specific work. Volunteering at a soup kitchen, domestic violence/sexual assault agency, or nursing home makes a difference too! Deliver meals to shut ins or AIDS patients, read stories to children in an after school program, or adopt a highway with a group of friends. There are several ways to get involved. Don’t get me wrong; if you’re not involved with something, it doesn’t make you a bad person. And being involved doesn’t automatically make you a good person. It does give you a sense of purpose, and an entitlement of sorts. So often people complain about the way things are, but do nothing about them. This just seems odd to me. If you’re unhappy about the ways things are done, become involved and work to change them. Simply complaining isn’t going to accomplish much, especially if you do it only occasionally or in private. This holds true for social services, politics, academia…and student organizations. It’s quite true that you can’t please all of the people all of the time. It’s also true that sometimes those who are not involved in the process or discussion are those who complain the loudest, and this seems odd to me. It’s certainly not unique to Spectrum, or even student organizations. And so I offer this advice to everyone: if you’re not happy, speak up…and then put your money where your mouth is. If you believe we should have more of this type of activity, or should focus on Topic Y instead of Topic X, say so. And then spend some time helping make that a priority. And a reality. It’s not fair to expect others to do your work for you, especially in student organizations. Remember that leaders have their own projects, classes, papers, social lives, and limitations too. So step up to the plate! Get involved. Make a difference. And make it happen! April is here, and along with the last frantic push of the Spring semester, it also means it’s time for Wyo AIDS Walk. This year is the fourth annual walk, and promises to be our best event ever. I could explain all the activities and events going on the week of the walk, but I trust everyone can go to www.wyoaidswalk.org and check that out for themselves. Instead, I want to talk a bit about the importance of testing and the current face of AIDS in 2005. My message this month is simple, and so my thoughts are shorter than usual. As I commented last year at this time, the rate of new infections is ever-climbing. Nationally, the rate of new diagnoses increases 15-17% annually, and Wyoming is no exception. I want to believe that people know about HIV/AIDS and recognize that it is a reality…even here in Wyoming. I want to believe that people know about safer sex, and that after the past 20 years of prevention messages people would use a condom every time they have sex. Sadly, I know this isn’t true, or the infection rate would be dropping. Sadly, I know that the word “condom” is often not allowed in school, much less a frank discussion about other forms of safer sex. In the past, AIDS Walk has highlighted several issues. We’ve tried to raise awareness about the alarming rates of infection for minorities, especially heterosexual minority females. We’ve tried to encourage people to get tested, since it’s estimated that 1/3 of the people who are HIV positive don’t know that they’re infected. This year, we’re also raising awareness about how substance abuse, including methamphetamines or “meth,” are also impacting HIV/AIDS prevention and detection. In addition to the risk of direct exposure to those who shoot or snort the drug and share equipment, works, or rinse water, there is also another danger. People high on meth are less likely to protect themselves during sexual intercourse and other intimate contacts. But it’s not JUST about drugs. Simply put, HIV is a disease that affects everyone. It’s not a disease that affects only drugs users and gay men. ANYONE can contract the virus, and it only takes one exposure to become infected. This is why regular testing is so important. If you are sexually active, use IV drugs, or have any other exposure risks, you should be tested regularly. Some people are afraid to be tested because they don’t want to know if they have the virus. The problem with this attitude is that early detection means earlier treatment, and can greatly impact a person’s quality of life, not to mention the length. It also means being able to protect other people and avoid transmitting the virus unknowingly. There are a whole host of reasons to be tested, and very few good ones to NOT be tested. Testing is available free of charge during the week of AIDS Walk. Schedules are available at www.wyoaidswalk.org. The testing is anonymous and is an oral swab, so there are no needles or blood involved. Peace of mind is a powerful thing, and nobody should be without it. Knowing your HIV status can mean a world of difference to you and to those you care about. Protect yourself and those with whom you have intimate contact. Get tested. The Sky is NOT Falling (June 2005) Summer is here. Well, supposedly. Summer session is in full swing on campus, but the weather is still acting as though summer will be a while. Freak blizzards that down trees across town, rains that flood rivers and close the greenbelt. Is the world coming to an end? Nope. And that’s the whole point of my column this month: the world is NOT ending. That’s right, despite all predictions from the Christian Conservative Right, the Apocalypse is not upon us. Gay marriage has been legal in Massachusetts for over a year now, and it’s still there. It hasn’t slipped into the ocean, been swallowed into a giant hole, or consumed by locusts. Family structures have not dissolved, the economy has not collapsed, and cats are not sleeping with dogs. Well, aside from friendly, platonic naps at least. Heterosexuals are even continuing to get married too. Shocking isn’t it? None of the horrific dangers foretold by naysayers have come to pass. Gay marriage hasn’t shaken our country to its very core, though it hasn’t been the most amicable issue of late. Perhaps it isn’t that shocking, since many European countries have allowed it for years, and they’re still around. And for those who argue that it would cost too much money, did you know that extending marriage benefits (including those covered in DPB laws) will likely save money? California stands to save $8M to $10M annually, and New Jersey could save up to $61M each year (hrc.org). Non-discrimination clauses were also supposed to be problematic. They would prevent fine upstanding companies from terminating people who don’t fit in well their goals and beliefs. You know, heathen homosexuals. This would in turn hurt the company’s bottom line and could lead to financial ruin. Or so the stories go. But apparently, that hasn’t happened either. 418 of the Fortune 500 companies have policies that protect employment on the basis of sexual orientation (hrc.org). Must not be too much of a financial burden, if over 80% of the richest companies in America are doing it. And then there are domestic partner benefits. Why, the concept of offering insurance to same-sex partners is just ludicrous, according to the conservatives, and would cost too much money. Again, it could drive companies into financial ruin, and could put smaller companies out of business. If only the research supported that theory. Again, the Fortune 500 companies show us that it makes sense in a bottom line, since 236 of the top businesses offer DPB’s (hrc.org). If people are worried about cost being an issue, they should know that 85% of companies that offer these benefits see no cost increase because of DPB’s (hrc.org). I guess that makes a bit of sense, since you usually have to pay for the insurance yourself, but have access to a group plan through your employer. Gee…the statistics don’t seem to support the rhetoric. Who would have guessed…aside from the approximately 28 million GLBT Americans. For decades, people have complained that equality for GLBT Americans would be expensive, immoral, and would damage “institutions” like marriage and the American family. The studies, and more importantly the empirical evidence, doesn’t support these claims. Treating us fairly hasn’t destroyed businesses here in the U.S. or caused civil wars in other countries. Heterosexuals are still getting married, still having children, and are still divorcing at the same rates. We’re not asking for a 10% discount card at the supermarket or a guarantee of a corner office for every job we might hold. We’re asking for the right to continue working as long as we’re a good employee, the right to codify our relationships, and the ability to protect our families legally…all things heterosexuals enjoy. Can we now stop worrying that being fair to GLBT people will bring about the destruction of civilization as we know it? | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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